IT Humour

When a project has you stumped, just think: 'What would Yogi do?

October 23, 2006 from Computerworld – “If baseball and project management have one thing in common, it’s the direct relationship between teamwork and success. Yogi Berra, a baseball legend with a unique approach to management and life, is a particular favorite of mine, so I recently asked myself, “What if Yogi were a project manager?”

As I thought about it, I realized that Yogi has a lot to say about my line of work. Many of the most famous quotes that have been attributed to him seem to bear directly on the art and science of project management...” The article contains project management perspectives on the following quotes:

"You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”
“I didn’t really say everything I said.”
“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
“You’d better cut the pizza in four pieces, because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.”
"Think? How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?”
“You can observe a lot just by watching.”
“I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.”
“This is like deja vu all over again.”
180 View – You don’t need to be a project manager to appreciate Yogi’s view.

The Art of Demotivation

“For the better part of a decade, Despair, Inc. has been engaged in a fierce battle in the marketplace of ideas with the multi-billion dollar motivation industry. In 1998, Despair introduced the world to a darkly insightful line of motivational poster parodies known simply as Demotivators®. In April 2005, company co-founder Dr. E.L. Kersten unveiled his landmark management book, "The Art of Demotivation"- a work quickly praised by Financial Times Management Columnist Lucy Kellaway as "the most daring, funny and subversive management book ever written". With the introduction of Despair Video podcasts, the company opens a new front in the war on motivation- while simultaneously offering a tantalizing glimpse at life inside the company itself.”

180 View – We often speak about the importance of motivation in optimizing business process. We recommend that you view Addressing Employee Complaints and Disconfirmation, Pt. 1.

P2P Revolution: Opera Announces Platform-Independent Real-Time Speech Technology

April 1, 2005 from Opera Press Release - "Opera Software's R&D department today announced the discovery of a new technology dubbed 'Opera SoundWave' - a platform-independent speech solution for short- and medium-range interpersonal communication. Based on open standards, Opera's patent-pending P2P speech technology uses analogue signals carried through open air, enabling users to communicate in real- time without the use of computers or mobile phones." Click here for the article.

Harvard strategy for a good life

This isn't new but just in case you missed it:

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. “Not very long,” answered the Mexican. “But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the American. The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family. The American asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?” “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs...I have a full life.”

The American interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise.” “How long would that take?” asked the Mexican. “Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied the American.

“And after that?” “Afterwards? That’s when it gets really interesting,” answered the American, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!” “Millions? Really? And after that?” “After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta, and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends!”

If GM kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon. But what if GM had developed technology like Microsoft?

• For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
• Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
• Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
• Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
• Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
• The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
• The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
• Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
• Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
• You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

The Business Case For Golf

June, 2003, from Darwin - The article referenced does not make a convincing business case, but for what it's worth, I will draw upon my own experience. I remember attending a conference at a resort in Florida - I attended all the sessions and learned as much as I could during the few days there. My colleague and partner, at an international consulting firm, played golf with prospective clients and referral sources. Who do you think spent their time more wisely? For the article, click here.

Definitions of Linux, IP, XML, IP address, and LAN/WAN

A columnist at itbusiness.ca attended the SunNetwork conference in San Francisco last week and heard the following definitions from freelance comedian/technologist Don MacMillan:

Linux: Latin for "I don't do Windows."

Unix: Male software developers too busy coding to go on dates.

XML: Extra-medium-large, the clothing size between "medium-large" and "large."

IP address:  Location of the bathroom.

LAN/WAN: Thank you, ma'am.

"If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside."

This quote is attributed to Robert X. Cringely, who from 1987-95, wrote the Notes From the Field column in InfoWorld, a weekly computer trade newspaper. He is also the author of the best-selling book Accidental Empires: How the Boys of Silicon Valley Make Their Millions, Battle Foreign Competition, and Still Can't Get a Date. More recently, Cringely is the host and writer of the hit PBS-TV miniseries "Triumph of the Nerds. Cringely's weekly sermons on technology are available on-line by clicking here.

Do you see the problem or the opportunity?

In the May issue of APICS magazine, I read - Perhaps you remember the tale of two competing shoe salesmen who were sent to a remote country. Not long after they arrived, salesman number one e-mailed his supervisor with a grim report. "We've made a huge mistake," he wrote. "No one here wears shoes."

Salesman number two e-mailed his supervisor with the same news, but with a dramatically different perspective. "Send me as many shoes as you can," he wrote. "No one here wears shoes yet."

Do you think outside the box?

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

Answer - You could give the car keys to your old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. You would stay behind and wait for the bus with the person of your dreams.

Need a reference for buzzwords?

A helpful and somewhat humorous site is available to demystify buzzwords. Click here for this web site.